No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
