Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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