Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
