if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
