where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
