i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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