what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who died my cat blue again?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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