God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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