ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize