I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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