someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
high people should be assigned attendants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
