Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize