brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
