Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
