You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
