i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
