I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
