Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
