It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
