I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
