i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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