She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
