Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
