people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
