Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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