I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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