we have pet lesbian snakes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
