It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
