Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
