so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
