I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
