where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
