Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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