I didn't shave. On purpose
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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