I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
