I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
