New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
