The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
