i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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