This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
