so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
