Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
