Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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