my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
