Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
