nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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