I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
