Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
