Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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