doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
