I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
