peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
