Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize