Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
