just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
