After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
