I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
