How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
