I wanna bring you to show and tell
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
