i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
