lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
