I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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