Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
