Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
