Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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