You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize