just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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