I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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