It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
